From the Far Side of the Pew
Bishop Edward Kmiec of the Diocese of Buffalo and Father Art Smith of St Thomas Aquinas Church in Buffalo, in their flaying of Deacon Thomas McDonnell for telling the truth, were indeed following an obscure tradition. This tradition is based on the document below, which was discovered just minutes ago during a mysterious archeological digging. The translation of this ancient document now follows...
We, the Twelve Apostles, extend our deepest apologies to our lords and masters, the Pharisees and others who were offended by the imprudent remarks of Stephen, our upstart deacon. Please be assured that we would have given to him our most stern, impassioned, public rebuke, but you have so graciously saved us the trouble of doing so. We commend you for your prompt response in this matter. In particular, we commend the young Pharisee, Saul of Tarsus, for his role in quelling Stephen’s hurtful, painful diatribe. Saul will accomplish great things as long as he continues along his present path – you should be so proud of him!
Stephen meant well. He was merely following the foolish example of our original leader, who also spoke out in insensitive manners and who was expeditiously silenced (if only we had listened to Mr. Iscariot in the first place!). Since our first leader’s errors, we have learned to be a kinder and gentler community of believers. We have learned to speak positively, to always be non-judgmental. Indeed, we are an Easter people, and Alleluia is our song!